Annie was given a doll when she was a baby. It was a soft plush doll – one solid shape with a printed face wearing pink and purple clothes. She was named BabyDoll.

BabyDoll was the second item you would pick up – after Annie. BabyDoll was the first item put in the nappy bag or placed in the car after Annie was in her car seat. BabyDoll was either held by Annie or within eyesight. 

BabyDoll would calm the temper tantrums, soothe Annie when put down for a nap, distract her during hyperactive nappy changes and would spill as much food as Annie during mealtimes.

BabyDoll notoriously collected dirt from Sydney streets on many occasions.

One weekend, I had driven to the coast to collect Annie to have her stay with me. Our plans were to go shopping for shoes and clothes and just hang out. That, of course, meant that at some stage we would go out for babycinos, feed the ducks in Centennial park, and dodge the aggressive black swans. 

Annie was a toddler, no more than 3 years old and we were both excited for the weekend.

After a slow start on Saturday morning (man you can’t hurry toddlers) we were finally in the car, driving to Westfield. Annie in her car seat leaning in towards the middle so she could watch the road – strange but it is what she would do. And we sang nursery rhymes – loudly and badly.

We headed straight to the kid’s shoe store. Annie has a broad foot. In fact, at that age it was the size of a small lamb chop. So, the selection was a little limited. But out came the white sandals, white with pink trim sandals, and sneakers. She loved sitting up on the high bench with BabyDoll on her lap. Annie was patient as shoes were tried on. She knew what she liked and what she didn’t like. After about an hour we were done and, with two pairs of shoes under our arm, we headed to a café for coffee for me and cupcake for her.

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After finishing high school, I attended June Dally Watkins Deportment School during the summer holidays. My mum and dad always knew I would be tall. In fact, my mum proudly retells the story to anyone who will listen about her dad, my Pop, commented on meeting me as a newborn for the first time, “If it was a dog I wouldn’t let you keep her! Look at the size of her feet – she’ll be huge!”

Fast forward 18 years and with size 10 shoes and 5’11” height, my parents wanted to ensure I knew how to carry myself. For two weeks at the Deportment school, we were taught all the finer attributes of being a hostess including how to set a table (with way too much cutlery), how to greet and introduce people at business and social functions, how stand and pose, and were given elocution lessons (with Mrs Marsh from the Colgate TV ad!).  

So, at Annie’s early age, I started to teach her how to set a table. I showed her where to put the napkin and knife and fork (or spoon in her case). She was very proud of herself as she learned where to get the placemats and napkins and help me as I placed the cutlery on the table. 

As I ordered for us, I watched her quietly take some napkins and place one on her lap and another on BabyDoll. I smiled. The cupcake would still end up everywhere.

“Shopping!” she squealed, the last mouthful of cake swirling in her mouth. Off to Target we headed.

We wandered around and I could see I was losing her interest. I held up dresses against her but there was no interest in trying on anything. After about 40 minutes with a couple of t-shirts and shorts in hand, we head to the cashier to pay.

As we headed back to the car, I looked down at Annie and noticed something missing… BabyDoll.

I asked her, “Where’s BabyDoll?”

“Gone,” was the reply I got. 

“What do you mean gone? Where’s BabyDoll?” I asked. She shrugged her shoulders and put her hands in the air, indifferent to the crisis that was about to occur.

I grabbed her hand and we retraced our steps back to Target – straight to the childrenswear. 

“Help Aunty Tanny look for BabyDoll,” I pleaded but in a “fun non-anxious” voice. I had felt an increasing state of panic rising as I searched around the aisles and couldn’t find the doll. Annie was swinging off racks and behaving as though she had never owned BabyDoll. Not a care in the world. 

I couldn’t believe this kid. 

Now you need to know that this was BabyDoll number 3. She had been lost and replaced over the couple of years without Annie’s knowledge, and it was during this moment I remembered when this BabyDoll was bought my sister stating, “I think we got the last BabyDoll in existence”.

I searched under racks and in corners that we had never ventured near. I retraced steps from the front of the store. Annie was wandering around so I kept calling to Annie to say my name in a “big loud voice” so I would know she was close by. 

I was working up a sweat. Planet Earth would tilt off its axis from the vibrations of the screams I was going to face at bedtime. 

Oh no… how do I tell my sister I have lost BabyDoll?  

I tried to keep an eye on Annie, calling her name and waiting for her to say mine, ensuring she was close by. The high pitch cry of “Aunty Tanny” kept me reassured.

Jesus…how often do they clean the floor? I am slightly germaphobic, so this was killing me. My hands and knees felt putrid.

Then I didn’t hear Annie say my name. Shit. Where was she?

I bobbed up – couldn’t see her. Now I’d lost the kid, too. 0 for 2. While trying not to run and appear panic-stricken to passers-by, I moved up and down the aisles very swiftly calling for Annie. To hell with the doll! Now, how would I tell my sister I’d lost her daughter?

I was beside myself and feeling sick at the thought of what could have happened to her. 

It seemed like an eternity. I was searching for nearly two minutes when I finally spotted her up near the cashier’s desk. I grabbed her, squeezed her tightly, and she giggled. She was clueless to the adrenaline racing through my body. I felt tears in my eyes and wanted to just sit on the floor and hold her.

Deep breath. “Let’s go and find BabyDoll!” I said again in a fun voice. I was hoping one more spin around childrenswear would help.

After another five minutes, there she was. Laying under the rack filled with pajamas – like the holy grail with a glow. 

“I found her, Annie!” I screamed. It came out much louder than I was expecting. I held BabyDoll high in the air like she was the chosen child. I was near tears with relief. Annie just wandered over, took the doll, and then took my hand.

No sweat for the kid.