My brother had a son…. Talen Liam March. Two things were now guaranteed…. our family name and red hair.

Like my sisters, my sister-in-law Tania was fabulous in pregnancy and courageous with birth. But her real stoicism showed up in the lead up to the delivery of Talen.

I have shared that Guy will dry retch at the word custard, let alone the sight of such, so we all knew the sight of bodily fluids and being at the birth would bring him undone. As sisters we worried, and yet knew it was his ‘soft underbelly’ and ribbed him as much as possible.

Now you need to know, my brother is 6’3” and a highly capable and intelligent man. Successful with work and fantastic around the house. He has built things, painted walls, and he has always been my handyman in a crisis. He is physically fit and has an inner strength to keep going when many would give up.

Before Talen was born Tania became quite sick evening and Guy took her to hospital. It wasn’t the early arrival of their son, but rather food poisoning.

Tania was shockingly ill and Guy was of no help. The scene was summarized as “Tania throwing up in the bathroom of her hospital room, calling for Guy’s help, while Guy was standing a safe distance in the middle of the hospital corridor, eyes weeping from his dry retching, yelling loudly to anyone who resembled a medical staff member ‘we need help, my wife is being sick [dry retch], we need help, anyone [dry retch]….anyone [dry retch].’”

In time, Tania was fine. Guy went home exhausted and slept.

Talen’s birth followed about a week later. Tania was stellar and, while he made it through the birth of his son, Guy didn’t fail us and yep, he vomited.

Talen was a gorgeous baby. While I am biased, I fell in love with his blue eyes, fair skin, the March reddish hair and the curiosity in his eyes as he would watch the room.

This curiosity would show up in many ways over the years. He and I did a lot of car trips together and we would talk all the way. He was only around 4 or 5 years old, and we were driving to the Coast to see his great grandmother and grandparents and he asked, “Aunty Tan, how long would it take to count to infinity?” I told him that if he started to count now he would be older than Poppy before he reached infinity. He believed me but was determined and commenced to count.

Tal was probably around 7 months before he stayed overnight with me. Guy and Tania were heading to Melbourne for a close friend’s wedding for the weekend.

The drop off was early – synchronized for 7am Saturday morning.  I was excited and a little nervous. This was our first weekend together. Like with my nieces and nephew, I just wanted to ensure he survived my watch. After bags, toys and the pram were unloaded, I watched Guy and Tania drive off to the airport waving their arms out the window, without a care in the world and child free for a whole 36 hours!

My apartment was ready with the baby cot set. I decided we were going to keep it casual for the weekend without any big trips planned or what would in turn become a favorite activity for us…’adventures.’ It was relatively seamless although there were some moments. We went for a Saturday late morning coffee, only to realize after ordering, that I left his dummy [pacifier] at home. I swear kids sense your anxiety. While Tal was awake when we sat down for the coffee and seemed calm, the moment I realized what I had left behind, he looked at me deadpan and started to fidget. His fidgeting grew to grizzling, and in time down, right irritability. The guy at the café tried to convince me to stay but a coffee to go while moving the pram at a fast pace was the better option. He fell asleep. I contemplated going back for another coffee, but the risk was too high and I still had two flights of stairs to maneuver to get him back into my apartment.

It was always funny whenever I looked after any of the kids; I would be left with a list of what to feed, when to feed, when to bathe and put down for a sleep. I am not complaining as I needed these guides in the earlier days, but after taking me through a ‘Dummy’s guide to how to look after a baby for a night or two’, I was often then left with no further contact from the adult world.

I came to realize that it’s not that I needed the contact, but rather the assurance I was doing OK. Here I was, not having a child of my own, caring for their baby, achieving milestones with no one to tell.

Tal and I made it through our first weekend. We wined (no “milked”), dined and danced around the apartment. Tania and Guy arrived home late Sunday afternoon, tired and grateful and I realized they always knew Talen was in safe hands. I was weary but loved the weekend with him. After waving them goodbye, I returned to my apartment.

It was silent. A baby bib hanging off the back of the dining room chair caught my eye. I stopped, sat on the floor and cried.